Ep 172: Anticipatory Grief AND Joy with Dr. Tasha Faruqui

In this episode, I have the absolute pleasure to speak with another one of my new friends whom I met at the Physician Coaching Summit earlier this month. Dr. Tasha Faruqui is a fellow pediatrician, public speaker, medical advocate, and author. She’s here today to talk about her beautiful book, Keep Your Head Up: A Mother’s Story of Chasing Joy in the Face of Grief, and how anticipatory grief shaped her journey as both a parent and a physician.

We explore what it looks like to parent while navigating anticipatory grief, how Tasha learned to trust her intuition as a guide, and why her family stopped waiting for things to change before allowing joy.  Pursuing joy on purpose can help you hold grief and joy at the same time—and even anticipating joy can be just as meaningful as the moment itself.

Inspired by her father, a doctor and surgeon to an underserved rural community, Dr. Tasha Faruqui joined the National Health Service Corps following her graduation from medical school. Her plan was to take over her father’s practice once her commitment was complete, but this was diverted when her second daughter, Soraya, was born with a rare, little-known genetic disorder that remains largely a mystery thirteen years later. Tasha’s focus then shifted to pediatrics, with particular attention to advocacy and support for parents of medically complex children and those with a limited life expectancy. Today, she regularly brings her dynamic message of fierce and loving hope to medical students at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, the top pediatric medical facility in the country, Make-A-Wish events, and her Instagram community (@thefaruqui5). Her debut memoir, Keep Your Head Up: A Mother’s Story of Chasing Joy in the Face of Grief, was published by Jossey-Bass in September 2025. Tasha was named a top doctor by Cincinnati Magazine in 2022, 2024, and 2025.

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Transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Melissa Parsons

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Your Favorite You. Today, we have the absolute pleasure to speak with one of my new friends whom I met at the Physician Coaching Summit earlier this month. Dr. Tasha Faruqui, am I saying that correctly? Is a fellow pediatrician, public speaker, medical advocate, and an author. I consider her an anticipatory grief expert, and we are so lucky to have her on the show. Thank you so much for being here with us, Tasha.

Tasha Faruqui

Thank you so much for having me and thank you for being my new friend.

Melissa Parsons

You're welcome. I, of course, have to apologize for my voice today. I woke up like this and, of course, contemplated rescheduling this interview, but I really wanted to talk to you, Tasha, while your beautiful book is still fresh in my mind. I just finished reading it last night. It is a beautiful book. It's called Keep Your Head Up, a mother's story of chasing joy in the face of grief. Thank you so much for writing it and sharing your amazing light and your remarkable family with the rest of us.

Tasha Faruqui

Thank you so much for reading it and thank you for saying all the kind things about the book.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah. I like to have my guests introduce themselves by telling our audience about your favorite current version of yourself, Tasha. Are you up for that?

Tasha Faruqui

I'm up for that.

Melissa Parsons

Okay, awesome. So tell us about your favorite you.

Tasha Faruqui

So my favorite me is that I am a mother of three children and my middle child is medically complex and is currently in hospice. I am also a pediatrician, speaker, and author. And I will also say that I am still evolving. So I am literally in this moment evolving and I don't know what's coming up next, but I know I'm not done yet.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, that's so good. I hope not. Because, you know, being done usually means that we're no longer here. Yes. So, we keep evolving until we stop. So, that's amazing. I absolutely love the opening line of your book. Do you mind if I quote you to you?

Tasha Faruqui

Quote me to me. Yes, please.

Melissa Parsons

Okay, perfect. So you said, opening line, “Looking back, there have been three major themes in my life. Expectations, both those placed on me and those I projected onto my future. Fierce independence, despite what was expected of me, and fitting in or not.” So I'm curious how these three themes have helped you, and then also maybe how they might have hindered you along the way.

Tasha Faruqui

So in thinking about those three things there, I mean, I would like to say that they've hindered me throughout my life and thinking about phase one. And I don't know how many phases I have in my life, but in phase one of what I thought I needed to do. And while those are a hindrance, those are also the things that I have challenged and continue to challenge as I continue to evolve. So in that regard, it can be something that is an asset. In thinking about the expectations that were placed on me, I think about growing up as a first generation daughter to my family that came from Bangladesh. I also had some added challenges in the sense of our family was quite unique in that my mom was divorced and then remarried. And my stepfather was a very prominent surgeon in our town. And so there was almost added elements of pressure and expectation where just culturally in everything that my family had to sacrifice, which was always reminded to me, in being in this country, one of the things that I almost owed to them was becoming a physician. And if I wasn't going to be a physician, then I could be a lawyer. And those were really my options, you know, maybe engineering, but really it was law or physician. And I was, you know, the one since I could say my first word that I was told that I was going to be the doctor. So I think there was even added pressure when my mom got remarried to my stepfather, and then also the pressure of the town in just being in a small community and having kind of all eyes on you. I already felt that anyways, and then just added pressure. And thinking about who I was in my core is that fierce independence. And so there's a part of me that was like, yeah, I can do that. I can do whatever you want me to do, because I have the ability. And so while that is great, I don't think I ever took the time to truly think about what did I want to do with this attribute of independence. And so I never really challenged that until much later. And then also thinking about fitting in or not fitting in, I think that is a lifelong struggle. I think that is something that I'm not sure if I'll ever feel like I'm fitting in because I'm getting used to the idea that I am always coloring outside of the lines. And there's nothing about me that fits into any section or identity that kind of can encompass all of my experiences or all the identities that I carry. And the difference in me saying that in that way is that now I'm okay with it. Whereas before, I think I was constantly searching. Now, there's always elements of when you're not quite fitting in, that there's going to be feelings of isolation. And I do think that that comes up still. And I think it will continue to do that as I am not quite done meeting all the people that will love me.

Melissa Parsons

I love that idea and it's true, you know, you just met new people that love you last month or earlier this month, so, so beautiful.

Tasha Faruqui

And I say that also because, you know, I'm thinking about meeting the group of wonderful women that I just met. I'm not a physician coach. And so there is that part where I'm like, oh, my gosh, do I fit in here or not? But the same themes were coming up as I was entering that space and leaving. I almost had the hardest time integrating back into my life because I love that group of women so much. And it and it didn't matter. And so I think there's just a beautiful lesson in that that sometimes the communities that are going to welcome you, you may not even share the identity that brought that community together. And I think there that is where I'm like still learning about these fallacies that I create in my mind that are still remnants of the old me.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, that makes so much sense. And of course we welcomed you. We loved you from the beginning. And I didn't even know that you weren't a coach until like the last day.

Tasha Faruqui

And I'm sorry. I hope that didn't like ruin it for you. Oh, no, no, no.

Melissa Parsons

Oh, I think I was standing there with talking to you and Chrissy at the organizer of the summit and we teased you and said, well, not yet.

Tasha Faruqui

And you never know. So my other saying now, I mean, if I were to write another book, the first chapter might say never say never.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, that's amazing. Okay, what does anticipatory grief mean to you?

Tasha Faruqui

So anticipatory grief, as far as what it means to me, is grieving the person or loved one that's in front of you when they are still actively still alive, but knowing that they have a life-limiting illness based on evidence. And so, you know, very specifically to me is I have a 13-year-old daughter who was born with a rare disease. And I think what's interesting when I say that she's in hospice is, one, a couple of things. In pediatrics, hospice doesn't necessarily mean six months or less. And in our specific program, things can look different as far as prognosis and timeline. What we do know is that she has a disease that is progressing, I should say, and is also neuromuscular in nature. As far as anticipatory grief, it is knowing that she is still continuing to change, decline. And I'm grieving not only the child that I thought that she would be, but also grieving the losses of her skill as she's declining. Now, her illness really mimics or is similar to ALS. And so, in thinking about somebody who could walk and is not ambulatory anymore, can breathe unassisted, and now is on a BiPAP ventilator, and the number of hours that she's on is increasing, and her pressures are increasing as far as her settings. And so, in thinking about that, it is this idea that we know that she is going to die sooner than we expected, but we also have to still live life. And so, the space that I call and identify that as anticipatory grief.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, thank you so much for laying that out for my audience because I think that, you know, some people may have experienced it themselves and some people may have never heard of this idea. So thank you so much for laying it out so beautifully.

Tasha Faruqui

And I will say, I never thought, I mean, I did not coin the term, but I did not know that the language existed for what I was feeling. And I'm learning now as I am entering the space of the grief community, just how many things you can grieve. And there is, while my particular situation can be very unique and rare, the themes of anticipatory grief, and grief of the life that you had imagined, and grief of the loss of expectations, and there's so much universality, universal themes in that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Melissa Parsons

I think you were right the first time.

Tasha Faruqui

Okay, thank you.

Melissa Parsons

Okay. It seems to me there were multiple themes that I picked up in the book. And one of the ones that I thought that you laid out so beautifully was following your intuition, especially once you realize Soraya, you know, was not a typical quote unquote baby. Can you kind of tell us the journey of following your intuition? You don't have to tell us the whole thing. Obviously you wrote the book.

Tasha Faruqui

Yeah. So I would like to read the whole book to you now. And thinking about my intuition, I will say that I fought it, right? So I think like maybe many of us and maybe not, but I almost gaslit myself where the problem or the blessing is I was trained to be a pediatrician. I was trained in medicine. I was trained to take care of children. And when I felt like something was off, the things that I felt that were off were maybe not something that I learned in medical school. So it's almost like I was challenging myself where it's like, well, is that really what you're seeing? And so for me, the first inklings were feeding and the sound that Soraya was making. And while when she was a newborn, I couldn't identify that sound as strider. I just knew it was a weird sound. And because I didn't have the language or her sound wasn't loud enough where I could call it strider, I almost was like, okay, well, if there's no words for it, then I'm making it up. And then that really got kind of reiterated to me by my peers in the medical community. And I say peers, but at the time I didn't feel like peers because I was fresh out of residency. So there was still this hierarchy of, well, these attendings, no more than me. And so you end up second-guessing yourself. But that intuition, that nudge, that sinking feeling was coming up from the very beginning. And what's wild is when I took that first picture with Soraya after she was born with my husband, I remember looking at the phone of the nurse taking the picture. And in my mind, I'm like, this is not a happy moment. I know something was wrong. And that feeling was so instantaneous, but I couldn't put my words to it. And I didn't have enough quote unquote evidence, but really that intuition is what made me also question everything about her. And so it was almost like an internal struggle that I was battling, but with every physician telling me that I'm overthinking it or if it's not happening, I would kind of try to quiet that intuition and push it down. And so it literally took a life of its own when Soraya became failure to thrive around four months of age. And I was told to go ahead and feed her solid food. And when she did make that loud sound of strider, that's where my intuition just took over. And I said, I'm done. I'm done asking, like, I'm just going to tell you what I need and I feel very strongly about it. And I still didn't even know what it was that she had, but I knew that this was a major clue. And then sure enough, she was aspirating, which truly led to her medical workup, which was definitely an odyssey for, you know, really the first three years where we tested for everything and everything came up negative. And then further for another 10 years where things were going well, but she was still technically undiagnosed and then came her decline. And so I think it's important to lay that out for our listeners in that I think one assumption that some people make is when you have a child that is life limiting, has a life limiting illness, that maybe they were born with that.

Tasha Faruqui

And I always knew that, but I do think that it's important to know that along the journey, I had different dreams for Soraya, knowing that she had complex needs, but not knowing that she was going to decline and really having people tell me quite the opposite and recreating the dream multiple times just to fall short of it multiple times.

Melissa Parsons

It kind of comes into my second question about another theme that kept coming up for me and you're delineating it well, is that changing your plans or changing your expectations is not a failure. And having to, like you're saying, grieve every time that you have to change the plan and then grieve every time that you don't quite meet the dream and have to redo it over and over and over again.

Tasha Faruqui

It's a constant pivot, and how this ties into intuition is now I almost expect the pivot. I realize that this is a part of our journey, meaning my family's journey, my journey, Soraya's journey, and it's almost if I let go of the idea that I actually can complete any expectation that then I can finally accept that things are going to always change, and so sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but nothing will ever be the way that you plan it, but that has taken me a long time, but that's truly intuition that has also helped me let go of that, but I was like clinging on to that for dear life because it's almost like the only sense of control you have is you think you have control of your future. I mean, isn't that how society has ingrained us both in medicine and in life? It's like, since the time I was three, what do you want to be?

Melissa Parsons

Mm-hmm.

Tasha Faruqui

not who do you want to be, but what do you want to be? And for me it was a physician and then I'm done and with kids in there, great. Like marriage, kids, like everything, that's it. You've made it. And there is so much more and so much more complexity than I could ever imagine. However, the pivots won with resistance and now with welcome.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, so beautiful. The other thing I definitely want to hear your thoughts on is what it might be like to be a sibling of a medically complex child. I know you have lots of experience with Yasmeen and Leena helping them navigate being Soraya's sister while still being their own people. And it seems to me that, you know, you've done a banger job of that with, of course, some flub ups on the way.

Tasha Faruqui

Thank you for mentioning the flub-ups. I will say the sibling experience is one that I never thought of even as a resident, it never dawned on me on what that experience would look like. And I naively when I was in it, and I say in it in the sense of those first three years of Soraya's medical odyssey, I truly kept thinking in my mind children are resilient neurotypical children are, so resilient that I really just had tunnel vision with Soraya. And I mentioned this one because I promised Yasmeen that anytime anybody ever asks me about siblings that I'll always talk about what I've learned and that also includes me having tunnel vision and so to honor her and her experience I think it's important that identify my shortcomings and also identify that we are still figuring it out, but I can share with our listeners on things that have helped really allow their experience to be their experience. One is to not follow the general stereotypical narrative of siblings which oftentimes includes a parentified role, somebody who's always a helper, a caretaker, compassionate, empathetic. I don't necessarily think that every sibling has those attributes or is proud of those attributes. I have found that not only Yasmeen but there are many siblings out there that have anger resentment grief of their own for the life that they had imagined and I think that what I really want to highlight in the book is that each sibling can have their own unique experience and it can be very different than the narrative that's out there. And I want to create space for all the different experiences. I also find it fascinating that Leena and Yasmeen have very different experiences and I think that has a lot to do with birth order in that you know, Yasmeen was living a life where she was like an only kid and then in comes Soraya where Leena was born into a home that already had a child that was medically complex and also like many parents we've evolved from our first kid to our third kid and that we aren't the same parents and so therefore you are creating a different experience. So all of those things I think play a role, but things that have helped us as one meeting each kid where they're at and truly looking at each kid as having their own needs. I mean my joke around the house, but is really I think you know pretty truthful for anybody is it's almost like each kid comes with their own IEP or their individualized education plan and they all have different needs that are never gonna look alike and I think that's also really tricky because I think about how as a pediatrician we're teaching how to parent kids and it's very similarly like everything is like by guidelines and I will tell you that each one of my kids have different guidelines and that can also be really tough for them to understand what is quote-unquote fair or unfair, but the truth of the matter is they're all very different. Other things that have been really helpful is allowing time where we have one-on-one dates with each of the siblings to give them time and space even away from the neurotypical siblings and to give them one-on-one time. And so having regular dates with them has been really helpful and it gives them time to just be in the spotlight and and have that time and you know for any of our listeners that don't have a child with complex needs I would really recommend that for anybody I think just having that one-on-one time is is really lovely and it gives them time and in space to to just share. And then the other thing that has been helpful is that each one of our children as well as my husband and I have different therapists. And I am a very pro-mental health advocate when it comes to that. I do think that no matter where you are in the journey or no matter where Soraya is in her medical complexity, I have found that we experience things that are not simultaneous. And so one person in the family may be really needing something, but it may not have anything to do with the other person. And so just so we can all have tools as those storms kind of come up that will know how to navigate through those and know how to ask for help or ask for space in a way that is respectful and can still help meet the needs of the rest of the family. And so while my youngest sometimes has like the most reluctance to therapy, she knows that that is a non-negotiable that in order to do this life, we have to have tools. And even if some sessions are based on just building trust, fantastic, because there will be a time that she'll need it to navigate things that are tougher.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, gosh, I co-sign all of those things as a fellow pediatrician and a fellow mother of two completely different people with two completely different parents. And like you said, different people when we were first raising kids, then now so many things we've changed our minds on.

Tasha Faruqui

Yes. And I think the other thing, honestly, for all parents is just to remind your children that you're human. And I have found that it's been helpful to share my flaws with my children. It's helpful for me to acknowledge things that I've done wrong, and it's very helpful for me to apologize. And these are all things that were not shown to me in the sense of how I was raised, our culture. And so that is something that is very, very intentional. But personally, I feel like that has really helped us as a family.

Melissa Parsons

Oh yeah, for sure. I'm constantly showing the boys how human I am and reminding them that it's my first time doing life too. And you know, we're all just kind of fumbling through and figuring it out and doing the best we can. And we have the concept of a do-over in our family. So we're constantly giving do-overs, getting do-overs. And again, like you're saying, like not something, I think that a lot of us are raised with the idea of, or just society tells us the idea that parents need to be kind of all-knowing and never let their kids know that they have no fucking clue either or else like the kids are going to take advantage of that or something. Or lose respect. And I'm like, oh, the opposite has been my experience. It's just made us that much closer for them to see us in our humanity. So okay, I want to talk about your family motto. Suck the joy out of life. Tell me more about that. Yes.

Tasha Faruqui

So, I think that while we were in it in the sense of going through the motions of keeping up with therapy appointments with Soraya and then really trying to process this idea of her declining and her limits in life as we were being told and as we were seeing in front of us, we had never really thought about big picture things as far as things like joy. And the one thing that we were hoping for and really all of us were waiting to kind of get through this hard stuff. And once we got through it, then we were going to have fun. And what we found is like things just kept getting worse and it didn't feel like we could get any reprieve. In the midst of this and being referred to palliative care, one of the first things that we got a surf and while it was incredibly generous because we could all go with her, the part that I was freaking out about is how are we going to travel with her vent and her wheelchair and all of the things, the G-tube, the meds. And I was like, I cannot figure out these logistics and thank you Make-A-Wish for figuring out these logistics. And I was super stressed during travel, but once we got there, once she got on the surfboard, once we had a moment to exhale, the entire family, not just Soraya realized that we really can have a good time and experience joy even though nothing has changed in her prognosis. And it's almost like we were waiting for a miracle before in her health, before we could experience joy. And that was the first inclination that we could have both. And that had never dawned on us before. And so really from that moment, we realized, okay, if we want to do something fun, we have to aggressively go after it. And so this motto of suck the joy out of life came to be. And prior to the trip, my oldest was kind of going through a funk of, how come the neighbors don't have a life like us? They don't have to deal with this and they can do X, Y, and Z. And my husband said to her, yes, you just need to embrace that our life sucks. Like embrace the suck. Like just know that that is a part of it. And so we had kind of joked around about, you know, if we had a family motto, would it be embrace the suck? But that just sounds like, that's it. Like that's all there is to it where it sucked the joy out of life. Like really, I think identifies that there is some suckiness in it. And that's why that word is like, kind of like aggressive. And that we are actively going out for joy that we're not waiting for it. Because if you wait for it, it may never come. And so just being really intentional, not only for big trips like Hawaii, but really for each of us to come up with what brings us joy. And how can we make that happen?

Melissa Parsons

That's so beautiful. I love it, I love it. How is Soraya doing now? What's happening?

Tasha Faruqui

Soraya is, physically, I would like to say that we are in a little bit of a plateau and this has been identified as no vent changes in three months, which we're grateful for. She's on the vent right now 15 hours a day and as far as, you know, the progression, we assume that she will eventually get to 24 hours a day, which will then lead to problems in the sense of wearing a face mask that long. There can be like pressure and skin breakdown and she has already discussed with us that she does not want to have a trach. And so we know that that is when, you know, we'll have to make some decisions of what we need to do. So in this 15 hours a day event is where she's at. She is, does have like a new heart finding that there's always like something in the background. And I also want to point this out that just because we know that her life is limited doesn't mean that we're done with the surprises that could still come up with her health. And so she had some fluid in her heart as well as some increased pressures that were following closely on in the next couple of weeks. She'll have a repeat echo. So from that standpoint, again, there's always like still more uncertainty that I'm not sure what that means. But from this moment right now, we are all very grateful for a plateau. So much so that we keep saying like, we have no evidence to believe it's going to happen any day. We have no evidence to believe that it's going to happen any week that our team has said, let's plan in months. And so your listeners can be the first one to know that we just booked a trip to Hawaii. Amazing. So spring break, we're like, you know what? Why only do it once? Why only do it twice? I mean, we had points. So hey, when you're doing it...

Melissa Parsons

Do it best in Hawaii.

Tasha Faruqui

Yes. And we also have, you know, we talk about in the book, this idea of pivoting. The one big change in our family is when we are making travel plans, which we haven't made a whole lot as Soraya has been declining, but everybody has to be ready to pivot. So there is a commitment to knowing that we have this planned, things may change. But for right now, man does the idea of Hawaii brings joy in seeing the tickets and seeing everything booked. And it's okay. It's okay to be super excited about it. And if things need to change, they need to change. But right now it's it's super exciting. And so we're, we're happy.

Melissa Parsons

Anticipatory joy.

Tasha Faruqui

Yes. Oh yes, coin that. And that joy can be just as joyful as being in Hawaii. The idea and just imagining it, it just it makes us so happy.

Melissa Parsons

That's amazing. That's so amazing. I was curious if you could tell us a little bit. My listeners know that I love the woo. So tell us a little bit about Mama Mary and the other non-traditional sources that have kind of helped you come to terms with the fact that you know for sure that your daughter has a limited time on Earth.

Tasha Faruqui

Yes. I will say that in thinking about things that are more what I say, non-traditional, spiritual, the woo, my first experience with anything like this was with a, I call her my spiritual advisor, but she's Mama Mary and that's how she's identified in the book. And that is her real name and she is okay with that. And she is still taking new clients. That being said, I met Mama Mary when I was a sophomore in college. So a really long time ago and she was the person doing a bachelorette party for somebody from my hometown that got married at a young age. And so that's why I was at a young age meeting Mama Mary and we were in a group setting and it was tarot cards. I had never done anything with tarot cards, had no idea really what that was about. But my first realization that she was the real deal was she was able to share with this group of people that I had known things about me that the group of people that I was with that didn't know. And so some of those things that are in the book, so it's not a secret now is that my, my mom was married before and that my dad that I lived with was not really my biological dad. And it was something that at that time I never talked about because I wanted to again do that thing of fitting in. And so I didn't want to draw attention on the dysfunction of my family. And I wanted that appearance of like, we're good, everything's fine. And when mama Mary was able to identify that it was shocking because I'm like, wait, there's nobody in this room that actually knows that. And so she was able to pull me aside and I was able to ask more questions and everything that she said was spot on. But then I was like, okay, she's the real deal. I did have in my mind though, and I still do that not everybody is the real deal. So I think that's also important. There was a time on spring break, I went on Mardi Gras and I did try a tarot reading and let me tell you, it was not good. And it was a total waste of my money. And so I, I do think that, you know, you need to be careful in who you trust, but that's how Mama Mary gained my trust. And then really the next time that I utilized her skill and her advice was just about less than a year later, my sister had gone through a really bad breakup and really could not find any peace in her heart. Anything that she felt like she could look forward to. And I felt helpless. Like, how can I help you? And I was like, Oh my gosh, I know somebody who can help you. And I literally drove her to Mama Mary. And again, she had a wonderful reading. It gave her hope, it gave her tangible things, and it gave her comfort that then both my sister and I began really having Mama Mary a part of our life almost, you know, from anywhere from a couple times a year to once a month based on every intersection of our life. And now, you know, here we are decades later, and Mama Mary is still a part of that. Kind of along with that, I had realized different modalities that I was also not aware of things like Akashic records, which I had never heard of, and psychic mediums that I wasn't sure I could believe if they weren't on TV.

Tasha Faruqui

It's like the ones on TV are legit, but everybody else was not. And so those were really introduced to me in the process of writing the book, as well as right before the book. Again, it comes from these moments of desperation, isolation and helplessness, where I just felt like there has to be a greater purpose to what I am experiencing. And I know that there's someone that can tell me that. And part of my helplessness and isolation was really taking a break from my life. And so I have this wonderful group of family slash friends that we would do these little retreats in these locations that you may be familiar with. And it's almost like taking a step outside of hectic life, my cell phone, and just really focusing on what's within really clued into going back to that intuition, but also allowed me to see how there are many healers. And honestly, there's healers within ourselves that I don't necessarily think that the woo is magic. I think we are magic. And it just really takes you to a place where you have to almost allow that in. And that can give you insight. So there have been, again, these spiritual advisors and in those different realms that have all kind of guided need towards, one, you should write a book, two, there's a greater purpose. And it's almost these things that you already knew, but you almost had to hear. So, you know, I'm not saying that, oh my gosh, if there was, well, actually, I will say that because what I was going to say is if there's somebody that tells you something that is so outlandish, that maybe they are not legit. But I take that back because I remember one spiritual advisor and he is mentioned in the book as well where he told me, he's like, your spirit guides are going to laugh at this, but they want you to start an Instagram account. And I'm like, Oh my God, no way. Like I cannot. They're like, and you're going to write a book and you're going to, I was like, what? And, you know, in trusting my intuition and just taking a risk, it's like I needed to hear that. So like, whenever there was a voice of doubt, like, Oh my gosh, you are going to make a fool on social media. Oh my gosh, you don't have it in you to write a book. I was like, you know what? This dude who has this insight believes in it. So I'm going to go ahead and give it a try. And so it's one of those things where it was, it gave me the push that I needed, but also the comfort of there is a bigger purpose to my life, Soraya's life, my family's life than just the pain. And I almost had to get out of that bitterness to, to kind of search and to look. And it's been so very helpful that, you know, my beliefs are what if it's all true? What if it's all true? Yeah, I'm not, I'm not condoning one religion. I'm not condoning one type of spirituality. I think they're all true.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, I love it. And I love your saying, like, we're all magic and we all have healers within. I also love in the book, I hope I'm not giving too much away by saying that Soraya is currently channeling your dead uncle and Safi's deceased farmer partner, Dr. Hogan. That's so cool.

Tasha Faruqui

Yes. And, you know, about that, I think the other part is, yes, please read the book and it's not giving it away. But the book was completed when she was 11 and now she is 13. And just as I mentioned, you know, I'm not done yet, neither is Soraya. And the little hints and experiences that are given in the book are like full fledged now. And so there is an undeniable connection that Soraya has that I cannot explain other than it is real. And she is able to connect with not only our family, but anyone's family. And she, you know, and again, I'm not, you know, while you're very kind to say I'm an expert in anticipatory grief, I'm not an expert on the other side. But what I've heard is that sometimes as we are getting closer that there is a veil and if it's truly identified or described as a veil that the veil is getting thinner, I would say that that veil is getting thinner for Soraya. And while that is maybe scary for some, I truly find comfort in that because I feel like she just has so much love and support on the other side. And there is so much coming through. And yes, I have an incredible uncle that died when I was 12. So Soraya never had the ability to meet him. And actually, I mean, this is this is sad, but it happens sometimes that, you know, when you have family members that are deceased that never met your children, I don't oftentimes talk about them. I talk about I'm with my husband all the time, but not with my children. And, you know, one day at dinner, she just said, your uncle is so kind. And I'm like, which uncle? We have so many uncles, like, I don't know who she's talking about, especially culturally, everybody's an uncle. And she put her hand up and she was going like this. She's like the one that smoked all the time. And my uncle was a chain smoker and he had a sudden heart attack at age 42. And so it's a very much a characteristic of him is that he always had a cigarette in his hand. And it's something that I never talked about. And then she said, you know, he wants you to know that he's partying in heaven. And while that seems like a very vague statement, it's actually really specific because when my mom got divorced, we moved in with this uncle and this uncle was like a father figure to us. And he would put me to bed and before bed, he would say, okay, when you're sleeping, he's like, I'm going to take you out. And in your dreams, we're going to go party in heaven. And so it was a very specific thing that he would say. And I was four at the time. And so I said that so I, I know that she's got a connection and you'll, you'll read about Dr. Hogan in the book, but he is another incredible soul that has been instrumental in supporting our family while my husband was in the Navy. And so I definitely has a connection with him too.

Melissa Parsons

So beautiful. I know I keep saying that, but it really is.

Tasha Faruqui

Yes, I am so grateful for that. But I also, you know, thinking about, again, that magic, I think that if we are open to this, that many more can experience this type of beauty. I think that, you know, when Soraya first started sharing things, I think it could have been pretty easy for me to negate these experiences or tell them that they're not true. But I also didn't augment them. I didn't, you know, exploit them. I didn't have her try to explain things even further. I just, again, it's this theme of meeting her and your children where they're at, where I just acknowledge. I ask, you know, do you feel safe? Did you feel anything that was uncomfortable? Are you scared? Does it give you peace? These are the types of questions that I ask. And I also, I mean, again, you know, talk about making up things as you go. I'm like, if you don't want them, just say no thank you. And like, I remember these spiritual advisors that I have, you know, have worked with kind of closing things off or saying something. And so I just like mimic them. And I was like, okay, just tell them you don't want in if there's anything that is scary. And so, so far, she's done a good job of just bringing in light. And so she's only had positive experiences.

Melissa Parsons

Is there anything that I didn't ask you that you feel like our listeners need to hear today, Tasha?

Tasha Faruqui

Not necessarily, but as our listeners can probably already tell, there's a little bit of everything in the book. And I think one of the heavier elements, especially for your listeners that are physicians, is really the experience of navigating the healthcare system while you are a part of the healthcare system. And I think that experience is one that I would just shed a little bit more light on in the sense of there's that too. And I think that it is just sad how much I couldn't have gotten done as far as appointments and getting into the sub-specialist and feeling like I truly tried my best and did my best, that I wouldn't have not been able to do that if I wasn't a physician. So in thinking about other themes in the book, I think that's just one that I'd want to mention.

Melissa Parsons

Yeah, for sure. And I think to one of the things that you said in the book was how being Soraya's mom has made you a great pediatrician because you've had experiences with people that were less than amazing. And then of course, on the flip side, you've had incredible experiences with people that have been helping and getting Soraya the care that she needs. And yeah, I mean, I think you alluded to it at the beginning, like law and medicine are lauded as these noble professions. And yes, they are. And there are people in them who maybe should not be for various reasons. Maybe they're burnt out or they're dealing with their own stuff, or they were forced to be a doctor when they really wanted to be an artist. So just the idea that if you have a relationship with your doctor where you don't feel like you're being listened to, where you don't feel like you're being heard, where you don't feel like they're advocating for you, where you feel like they've given up on you, it's time to move on and follow your intuition and find somebody else.

Tasha Faruqui

Agreed. You have to find a connection to that joy and what brings you joy in your career as well.

Melissa Parsons

Okay, thank you so much for sharing your precious time. I know that our conversation definitely will help some people today.

Tasha Faruqui

Well, thank you for still meeting with me despite your voice. I really appreciate it.

Melissa Parsons

I think it kept up okay. I don't know. It seems maybe the more I talk the better, which is never what my husband wants to hear because I talk a lot. Yes, exactly. Okay, so how can people follow along as you continue on this beautiful journey? Where can they buy the book? Is there an audio book coming anytime soon? Because I really would love to hear your voice telling me this story, Tasha.

Tasha Faruqui

Say that louder for the people in the back. The audiobook is actually up for debate right now with my publisher. So yes, it's coming and the details are working out and I am auditioning for my own book, and so there's that.

Melissa Parsons

Oh my word. Who better than you to tell the story? I mean, I suppose if your voice sounded like this, it probably wouldn't be a big bestseller.

Tasha Faruqui

I’ve heard it's strenuous. But that being said, I'm up for that challenge. So yes, an audiobook is coming, stay tuned. A book you can find anywhere where you typically find your books. It is on Amazon. It is at Barnes and Noble, and most of your local independent bookshops, they could probably order it as well. You can follow along on my website, which is tashaferuky.com. And you can also follow along on Instagram, which is really fun because it has a lot more of our day in and day out. And that is really where Soraya sometimes just decides that she wants to do a video. And so everything on there is with consent and things that she wants to bring up, which just I think just gives our viewers an idea of her spunk and her sparkle and her dynamic personality.

Melissa Parsons

Yes, my goodness, of course, I'm a follower of the Faruqui Five and yeah, she's quite a powerhouse man.

Tasha Faruqui

And so, yes, that's the for Faruqui Five. I don't think I even got to that. So thank you for my memory. Yes.

Melissa Parsons

And we'll put all of this in the show notes so people can click and follow and find the book and all that kind of good stuff. So thanks again. All right, everybody come back again next week. I'll have another amazing episode for you. Bye.

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