Ep 120: Takeaways from Group Coaching with Colleen, Jenn, & Kimberly

I am so lucky to be joined today by three amazing women who are here to share their transformative experiences with group coaching. In this episode, Colleen, Jenn, and Kimberly offer their insights into how working together has made an impact on their personal growth.

You’ll hear about these women’s favorite versions of themselves and explore the steps they took to get there. They share practical tools they've embraced to create meaningful change, as well as pivotal “aha” moments they had in coaching that helped them navigate real-life challenges.

As you listen, I hope you can take inspiration for how coaching strategies and practices can be integrated into your life. Remember–coaching is not a quick fix, but a continuous work in progress. The joy of working with a group is that it provides you with your very own cheerleading team and a valuable support system throughout that journey. 

Click HERE to get the full show notes.

Transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Melissa

Hello everyone and welcome back to Your Favorite You. I am so excited to share this episode with you– I'm excited every week. I think I say that every week, but I'm really excited today because I have the amazing women who believed in themselves enough to sign up for coaching with me and we are just finishing up our it's been about a seven month the way my schedule rolls. We sign up for six month containers and then I reschedule stuff and life happens and life coach got a life and all that kind of good stuff. We've been working together as a group for the past half of a year, and we've just finished last week, and I invited all of them to come on to the podcast.

Nobody has been forced to be here. Everyone is a willing participant. And I'm here basically to have a conversation with them. A lot so that they can come back and listen to this episode if they're, you know, struggling, which we all are going to do in the future, and hear their own badassery and remind themselves of all that they have accomplished in this past container, in this past season of their life. And then also for you guys, if you're wondering, you know, what can happen in group coaching, what does it look like, what might I be able to change, you know, is there anything to be nervous about? You know, all those things that you might be thinking if you're trying to decide if group coaching might be something that, you know, might help you to improve the quality of your life.

So I am going to– I've told them all that I'm going to ask them to introduce themselves and basically tell us about their favorite version of themselves. And because I don't want to show any favoritism, because I love them all, they're all my favorites, I'm going to go in alphabetical order. So sweet Colleen gets to go first. Colleen, tell the your favorite listeners as much as you would like to about yourself.

Colleen

All right, well, I'll just give a little bit of a background. I reached out to Melissa, probably last May. Melissa had been my kid's pediatrician, and we all just absolutely adored her. And I remember the exact day when she said that she was, you know, going to retire and was starting this journey as a life coach. And I thought, well, that's really cool. And I had been following on Facebook for quite a while.

About last May, so there were two very, I looked back last night at them, went back because there were two posts that really kind of spoke to me and one was Mother's Day and I am a mother and and someone said, which you discussed is, have you ever said, am I a good enough mother, can I be better, that sort of thing. And just the fact that you ask that question makes you a good mother. So that kind of really kind of caught my attention. And then there was a post about Jack and Owen and the mix-ups or fuck-ups.

Melissa

Yeah, we're allowed to swear as much as we want.

Colleen

Yes, and do-overs. And I just thought that that one really spoke to me, just how to be a safe place for your kids and for everyone in your life, right? So then I reached out and I actually started with Melissa both in one-on-one and in this beautiful group. So, and I'm sure you're going to ask us more about this wonderful group and these amazing women that I've been able to learn from and talk with for the last seven months.

But my favorite me now is compassionate and curious. Those are probably, that's my favorite version. If I'm compassionate to myself and to the people I interact with, and if I'm curious, 'cause it just kind of helps me take a step back and just look at things from like helicopter view. And that is my favorite version of myself. That’s something that I've really been able to learn a lot in the last seven months.

Melissa

Amazing. I'm gonna correct one thing you said, which is I think you use the past tense about your family having adored me. I'm hoping that it's still a present tense.

Colleen

Oh absolutely. And so funny thing. Of course, all my kids and my mom all know, just another fun fact is that my mother has lived with me with all my kids and has been my, you know, my living nanny. And it's been such a wonderful joy and gift for me and my kids and my mother. And even just last week, there was, you know, something that, you know, some sticky thing I was kind of going through and the,First thing my mom said, what does Melissa say about this?

Melissa

I love me some Ann. Yes. I was always happy to see your mom with the kids in the office. And then it was always a special treat when you came in with the kids in the office and that type of thing. And I'm so glad that we've had the opportunity to have the two different relationships of me being your children's pediatrician and your coach without me knowing that I was coaching you and probably Ann's coach without knowing that I was coaching Ann.

Colleen

Absolutely.

Melissa

Back in the office. And then, yeah, the amazing consult that you and I did together and we got to the end and I offered, I was like, I think you'd be an amazing, you know, member of the group. And you know, of course I would love to do one-on-one coaching with you. You know, either of those is available to you. When you said, well, I want to do both, I was like, well, OK, let's do it. And you know, my former clients, you know, who have heard the story of you saying I want to do both are like, man, like, what a badass like, how much growth has she had by meeting with you twice a week, you know, for the past seven months? And just the amazingness that I've been able to witness.

I've always thought you were an amazing mom in person and you know all the things. So the fondness has only gotten stronger from Melissa to you and your family. It's so good.

OK, let's see if I can do the alphabet. Jenn, I think you're next.

Jenn

Yay. I'm trying to think of where to start. So I am a CEO of a small business. I run a team of about 14 people and I've been working with Melissa one-on-one for a year and in the group for six, seven months. So I'm one of those people when I heard that Colleen was doing both at the same time, I was like, Yes, it's amazing, it's so good. So I did it more sequentially.

And, through the coaching journey with Melissa, I've been through two deaths in the family and three kind of significant staffing shifts within the company that really needed to happen. And so she supported me so well through all of that. And, I think when I decided to work with Melissa, I was listening to her podcast, and there was one I heard with your sons, Jack and Owen.

Melissa

Yeah. Oh, the mom fuck ups I need to rerun it, I guess. Or do part two, since it was part one.

Jenn

It was amazing. I mean, they're all amazing. I get something out of every single one I listen to, but that one, I saw how you were with your sons, and I saw them say some things that would have, for me, brought up a lot of shame and embarrassment at the time. And I saw you not feeling ashamed and not being embarrassed. And I could sense your closeness with them. And I was like, that is my coach. Like whatever that is, like that's, I want that in my life. So that definitely tipped the scale for me.

And then, I would say my favorite me now is someone who doesn't automatically default to feeling like I owe people when they're nice to me, owe them beyond a reasonable measure. I listen to my body more. I'm willing to slow down and listen and hear what it's saying before automatically saying yes. I've been a really lifelong people pleaser, and that's part of what brought me to coaching. I wanted to have so many beautiful good things happening in my life, but there were still some pieces that I felt like I couldn't really unlock.

And my favorite me now too is a different kind of parent. You really helped me identify how I wanted my kids to feel in our parenting relationship and then make my choices from that outcome. And that's really shifted things, especially with me and my son.

Melissa

I'm going to correct something that you said just now. It's not how we want them to feel, remember, because we can't control that. It's how we want to feel about who we are as a parent and how we relate to them. And of course, like the downstream of that, if you're doing it right, is that they feel comfort to come to you. They know that you can handle anything that they bring. You know, they know they have this sense of like, mom's got me.

So I don't want anyone listening to think that we can change how other people feel. And I know that you said that in a slip of the… I know you know that, Jenn. But I do want to make it abundantly clear, like we changed how you were feeling toward them, how you were feeling as a mom, like your relationship to parenting, your relationship to mothering is what has changed. And then they get the downstream benefit of that. So beautiful.

All right. That's you. I love it. All right, sweet Kimberly, you're next, lady.

Kimberly

I'm Kimberly. I am a pediatrician, so I share a life piece with Melissa there. I am a little bit different in my own way from the group and that I am not a parent. I am single in the dating world and no kids. But I found even when they were getting coaching on parenting, there's always something that applied to a relationship in my life so. There to say, just 'cause you might not be the same age or the same life stage or whatever as your other group members, there's always something to pull.

But I started like 18 months ago with Melissa, did a round of group, then a round of one-on-one and then came back to a round of group after we dialed in on some things. And so I really enjoyed the group experience. I think individual was really good because we needed to work through some things hardcore but group came back to was the thing I loved, so coming back.

My favorite me is present and not in the past or worrying about the future, but present and trusting myself, making my own decisions um and trusting that when I make those decisions, even if people in my life have differing opinions that's okay, 'cause I can trust myself and know what's best for me.

Melissa

So good. You guys are all, I mean, I knew this before, but you guys have been with me for a long time. So this has been an, you know, obviously all in different variations, right?

So I think that there is an inherent level of comfort after you've worked with someone for a while and the beauty of being able to see your brain from the 30,000 foot view that I'm at and being able to hone in on, oh, you're doing that again. Like, are we sure that this is what we want to do? I think that is one of the benefits of having the same person kind of looking at your brain for a prolonged period of time.

And of course, you know we can get to that by the end of a couple sessions. Like, you know we're all very, how we tend to do one thing is kind of how we do a lot of the things in our lives. So it's my job to see patterns and to ask questions and to kind of, bring yourself back to yourself.

So I'm curious if you guys would be interested and we don't have to go in any order and you guys can speak up at any point, but interested in sharing any like aha moments that you had in coaching and things where I might've said something and you had never really seen it from that point of view or that perspective before. And you know how that shows up on a regular basis in your life now you know that you've had coaching for some time. Does anybody care to share anything like that?

Kimberly

I would say that the biggest thing for me as I spoke about my favorite you is making decisions and there Melissa had walked me through using a pendulum to make decisions, which is this really cool thing. I don't know that we have time Melissa probably to get into it, but she could tell you about it later on a different podcast.

Anyways, but just really realizing that I already had made a choice a lot of times on the inside. I just was looking for the validation of somebody else to say yes or no or whatever and so that was really powerful and then a lot of times as I brought whatever the current pressing choice I needed to make in my life over the last 18 months. Either we'd go back to the pendulum or Melissa would call me out like you already know what you want to do, just you know, so that was the big thing, I think for me.

Melissa

Yeah, we do have time. So basically the pendulum uses the energy of your body and when you are first introduced to it, you ask it a yes or no question that you know the answer to and then you get very still and you concentrate and the pendulum moves in a certain direction. So either up and down, left to right, in a clockwise circle or in a counterclockwise circle. And if you ask it a yes question, you know the answer is yes, and it goes up and down, let's say, then you know that that's your body's yes. If it's a no question and it goes left to right, we know that's your body's no. If it's an I'm not sure, and you're not sure of the answer and you really don't know, then it'll do a certain pattern.

And then you go and ask it questions like, you know, should I go on a trip to the Dominican Republic? I'm saying that 'cause I'm leaving in a couple days on a trip to the Dominican Republic and it will give you the pattern and tell you yes or no. Should I go for that promotion? Yes or no? You know, is this the guy that I should spend my time dating? Yes or no, that type of thing. And basically it uses the energy and the wisdom of your body to help you come to answers. And you're absolutely right, Kimberly, your body already knows. And oftentimes it's kind of like, you know, flipping a coin for a yes or a no. And if you're disappointed with the result of the coin flip, then you know that the opposite answer is what you really wanted. So you can do it that way too.

But yeah, for you, I think a lot of the questioning became if no one else's opinion on this but my own mattered, what would I want to do? And that's kind of how the pendulum helps you. And it sounds woo woo, but I don't give a fuck cause it works.

Kimberly

It was, it was impressive. It was at first a little woo-woo when she told me about it, but it was super impressive. And yeah, for somebody who had spent many decades trying not to listen to what I wanted, it helped when I was stuck hearing my own choice.

I also used the disappointment, like if I was out, obviously, or even ordering from a menu, I'd be like, man, which is the one that tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and be like, I wish I'd ordered…

Melissa

Yeah. So good. OK. Anybody else care to share an aha moment or something that you weren't expecting maybe?

Colleen

Well, I think this is kind of interesting that my therapy overlapped with Inside Out 2, which we discussed a lot. So I love how you sort of like personalize, I guess, or humanize some of our emotions. And like the curiosity part that I enjoyed was just, why are they there? Like number one, what are we feeling? And I realized shame and fear are big issues for me. And what I'd loved is that you didn't demonize anything, right? There's nothing like a bad feeling or a bad emotion. But if you're curious and you kind of like humanize it, and then just with the inside out, it would just naturally became like, I have these little, you know, I know what shame looks like to me. I know what it feels like in my body. And I had never really thought of that before.

And you said something, you said, what if we don't need to do, what if we not, we don't need to feel shame? What if you can live your life without shame? And that was really an aha moment. And I'll probably need to learn it a lot, a couple more times, right?

But just number one, realizing that that's probably a reason behind a lot of, especially when I'm sticky in a situation or I don't feel completely comfortable, it's probably because there's some shame and, and just like, why are you here shame? And you know, this sounds woo woo too. This is woo woo, but it works. Woo woo works. I love woo woo.

Melissa

That might be what we have to call this episode. Woo woo works.

Colleen

And like, how old does shame think I am? That was, I mean, there's so many aha moments, but that whole working through that process, like shame thought I was still like five or six, right? And it's like, don't worry, shame. I hear you, you're trying to keep me safe. There's a reason you're here, but I don't need you like this anymore. You're welcome to be here, but I need you to kind of sit back.

Melissa

So, yeah, just not that we're going to live a life without shame. It's like, let's let shame have its place and almost welcome it in and give it space, give it a voice. What do you want me to know? Why are you here for me? And then recognizing, oh, I have all these other emotions that I can feel too. Right? 

And I love that you had a slip at the tongue and called it therapy. But because a lot of the stuff that we do is kind of that deeper work and we use what has held us back in the past or what has kept us from being our favorite version of ourself in the past to inform how we want to handle situations coming up in the future, right?

You know what I love to do with people, and hopefully you three know this, is help you make sense of everything that has happened, all the ways that shame has showed up for you, all the ways that it has, you know, kept you safe, all the ways that it has held you back, and then make decisions from that knowing.

And I love, love, love Inside Out 2, as well, because joy tries to keep sadness from being present at all. And we learned through the movie, if you haven't watched the movie, I'm sorry, spoiler alert. But we learned through the movie that sadness is actually necessary so that joy can be felt and so that Riley can live a full life. And so, yes, to giving voice and being able to feel these feelings in our body. So that when we feel that for me, shame is like hot face, tight throat, like, you know, it's just I know it immediately and I'm like, oh, what is going on? Like what if I didn't need to feel shame in this situation? What might I do instead? How might I handle myself? So that was so beautifully said, Colleen. Thank you.

All right. Jenn, do you have any ideas that you want to share?

Jenn

So many. I have to like tear it down. I feel like there are constant ideas.

Melissa

That's good. I love it.

Jenn

Yeah, I think the one that I wanted to share the most about was you taught me over and over that my brain would wanna go to like the worst possible outcome when I was facing like a hard decision that I thought might hurt someone's feelings. And that I was kind of overweighing the pain and suffering of what was gonna happen if I did what I wanted to do versus the relief and ease and possibility that might happen if I went for it. So that was a big one that kept, that was a recurring theme yeah for our work together.

Melissa

For sure. For sure. And that's a normal thing that our human brain does to keep us safe. Right? It's like, let me show you all the worst possible case scenarios so that you can be really sure that, you know, this is gonna, that we're gonna be alive at the end of this, basically. Our brain goes that far, right? So of course it feels terrible thinking about those worst case scenarios, and most of us are discounting how terrible we feel before we make the decision that we actually want to make to move forward. And like you said, the relief that's waiting for you there on the other side.

Jenn

Yeah. And the cool stuff that happens because you make space for it.

Melissa

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forget who's quote it is. And I'm notorious for forgetting and saying I forget and wanting to give credit where credit's due. But, you know, all of the nos that we say make space for so many yeses in our lives for us, right? And all of the unintentional yesses take away that space. So I think so many people are kind of living either unintentionally and saying yes to everything to make everybody else have you be their favorite, right?

Or we are making choices intentionally, trying to avoid that worst case scenario that probably is never going to happen and keeping us from, you know, our best case of what we want and what we love and that type of thing.

All right. You said, do you have more, Jenn, or do you want to just.

Jenn

Do I have more air time?

Melissa

You do. As much as you want.

Jenn

I'm not sure how to explain this like really well, but when we talked about the kind of parent I wanted to be, we landed on me wanting the kids to know that I had their back. You know, like that would be there, like a bottom line that they would, I'm not sure how to say it, but it kind of was, it ended up being like a yardstick for measuring certain choices. So like when our son wanted to quit marching band after getting a solo and spending, you know, three years building up to that and you know all the things. And it started to become really clear that he did not want to do it anymore and was kind of afraid to disappoint us.

That was like, my husband and I talked and we just knew. Both of us were aligned in that, you know wanting to have their backs and so we kind of told him what we were saying. Hey, it seems like you really want to quit and. You know, and he just, he let us know so powerfully That he really wanted to quit and he just really didn't know how to convey it to us and… It was tough. Like people weren't happy with him quitting. He had peer pressure. He had, he disappointed band directors. I had my own disappointment to process cause I wanted to see him do that solo on the field of working season. I like, and I like hearing him practice. You know, I had, I had to process my own, but wow.

It just made us so much closer and yeah, that was so that was a really big powerful piece for me is just when I'm trying to decide what kind of parent I want to be because I've been told her son like the way I grew up was like quitters don't you know quitters quit and you honor your commitments, no matter what you don't let the team down, you know, I have all these voices. So to say like to be there for him and say, you know, this is going to disappoint people, but you can't disappoint yourself. And I know that like, there were so many moments in our coaching that led to me being able to have that really genuine sense for him, like, screw all these people that you're gonna disappoint if you're really gonna, if you're really, truly gonna disappoint yourself by keeping going with something that you don't like and you don't love. And so, I don't know, it just felt like this really beautiful transfer of all these things I learned from you in coaching that I could offer him. And then the result is like this new, beautiful resonance between us because he really, he really knows we're listening. And he, you know, he really knows that we're the kind of parents who are going to support him.

Melissa

Yeah I mean, if every human on Earth had one person who was like, I see you. I get you. I have your back. Like, you don't have to change. You're amazing just as you are. Like, think about the ripple effect if every human had one person. And to have that person be your parent, like, how fucking awesome is that? How many of us would love to hear from our parents? Like, I love you no matter what. I got your back. I see you. You don't have to change one iota.

And of course, like, it's human, I think, as a mom and as a partner, you know, to want what you think is best for your people, right? But I always think, I don't even know what's best for me half the time. Like, how am I supposed to know what's best for these other people, right? So like teaching other people to trust themselves by you being the example of trusting yourself and like doing stuff and that's hard and not listening to those voices that all of us have heard of, you know, losers quit, you know, that type of thing.

I'm like, I just had this conversation with my husband. It was like, in my mind, winners actually take a break when they're sick. They don't keep riding their Peloton.

Jenn

Can I share one more thing?

Melissa

Yeah, please, you can share as much as you want.

Jenn

I wanted to share something that came out of the group too. So I'm a big crier.

Melissa

We love tears here at Melissa Parsons Coaching.

Jenn

I had a family member going through dementia. And so I had a lot to process around that. And, you know, it's pretty common for a certain point in a person with dementia's journey to feel like they're trapped or, you know, they lash out at you. They don't trust you, even if you've had a lifetime of trust. And I remember in our group, Kimberly saying to me, like what you're doing to care for your person isn't the prison. Dementia is the prison. And it and that came out of our work together and it just, man, it just took this heavy thing that I was carrying and just wow, whenever I would start to go down a road where I felt really sad about that period of time, what was happening. I would remember like dementia is the prison, you know…

Melissa

So beautiful to witness as the coach, because of course I don't have all the wisdom in the world and nor do I want to. So when someone has something that they can share that might lift a heavy weight. And it's just like anything else. Like, you can take it or leave it. And Jenn obviously took it and ran with it. And, you know, feeling the comfort, hopefully, in the group from me that it was safe to to share that and and safe then for you too, Jenn, to either take it or leave it and that totally thing.

Kimberly

That was an area Jenn and I share in our personal lives. And so that was a place where in the group coaching Jenn got was always helpful for me as well. And we could kind of share in the hardships and the joys and things that come with having a family loved one go through that family member go through that. So I think that is a strong piece that group provides is that you do have that camaraderie. And I know when any of us were going through a hard time if we posted in the group or in the chat. We had a fan club in multiple states. I think it was Jenn who wrote, like, love from your fan club in this state. And so it does feel good that no matter when those hard places were coming up, that you had a little team at your back just, you know, carrying you through it, supporting you.

Melissa

I love it cause you guys are like already like taking the wheel here. I'm loving it cause my next question was gonna be like what was since you each have done individual and you each now have done group like what was the thing about the group that made it valuable to you?

So it sounds like sharing the hardship, sharing the wins, knowing that you were going to have little hearts and likes on your comments and you know, that type of thing from each other.

Kimberly

The other thing–having done both–individual was really good when I just needed to dive into one specific area for a while and that was good where we needed longer chunks of time and more hands on. I came back to group because I always was finding something out of the other people and people. I remember I think in your podcast and other podcasts around coaching people saying this yeah OK, but it is true there would be something that they were coaching that like I said might have been about parenting or something totally… one could think not applicable to me in my life, but there's always some kind of nugget of wisdom in there, and sometimes it was a significant nugget, like a big breakthrough, but like you didn't even know you needed it or you didn't know you need coaching on it, or you didn't know to ask it, and it would stick with you.

Melissa

That's what I love about it. Whenever I'm in a group as a participant, I'll be listening for the nuggets. And then sometimes I'll be like, mm, this doesn't apply to my life at all. And then the universe being the universe, it like flops it in your lap the next week and it's like, oh, okay, thank you. Thank you for that coaching that I didn't know that I was gonna need this week.

Kimberly

I remember one, but I could not come and one of the other, so there's only our three group members. So two of us could not come that week. So it ended up to be like a one-on-one. I don't remember which one of you guys it was, but, and I listened to it later because she puts them all in the Facebook group and even just listening to someone else's like one-on-one hour, which was really like, I definitely took some things out of it. So I think it just goes to show that there's a lot of value and listening back to the recordings is super helpful.

Melissa

Yeah, it is. It's super powerful, I think to go back and listen to your own coaching, 'cause sometimes you don't hear what you've said and you're like, where did that come from? You know, where did that thought come from? And you're like, oh yeah, I did say that. And then also to be able to listen, you know, to the coaching, 'cause sometimes you're so in the middle of it that you're following along, but it's like you kind of miss some of the things and that type of thing. And then yeah, to be a voyeur basically in someone, into someone else's brain.

And it's funny because whenever I'm, it may be because I'm a coach, but whenever I'm in a group, I'm thinking like, how would I coach this person, right? And it's fun for me to see a coach take it in a completely different direction than I thought that they would, and to still have someone like get an aha, so I think it's interesting to be a voyeur and to be a participant.

So yeah. All right. How about you, sweet Colleen? Anything?

Colleen

Well, it's just like Kimberly mentioned, like, we may not all be in the same generation. We may not be in the same field. We may not. I am single, right? But it's all relatable. Because it's relationships. And whether it's with yourself, or your work colleague, or your romantic partner, or your mother, or your sister, they kind of all come back to some really core issues. And so I just always, you know, I get, you just get so much benefit from hearing how someone else who's just amazing, right? And like you're just so impressed with and inspired by, but seeing how they handle things and seeing how you coach them, it's all relatable.

So, you know, if you're like, 15, probably not 15 year olds would be here, but you know what I mean? But if, you know, I'm–And I always forget what I am. I'm a Gen Z and and you know or you know it's relatable.

Melissa

Yeah, it is all about relationships and, like you said so beautifully, Colleen, like it really starts with your relationship with yourself. And once you, you know, get good at seeing that and loving yourself, you know, and not even loving yourself all the time, but just like understanding yourself, like, why am I doing this? Why have I done it this way so long? It just helps you to have more understanding for other people. And even people at the checkout line at the grocery store and you know, that type of thing, or people driving, you know, like crazy people on the highway, you know.

Okay, I have one more question for you guys, and you know, we can talk as much or as little as you want to about this one, but if someone were in your world and they cared about you and they saw you and knew you before coaching, and they know you now, you know, what would you say that they see about you that's different? Like, how would they ever notice that you have had coaching? Or do you think you're kind of the same with other people? Or what's your kind of gestalt around that?

Colleen

People always have generally felt safe with me, but I feel like people feel even safer with me. Like I just am present and I feel like I'm a better listener. And so I've just, like people come up and give me hugs, you know nice hugs, you know what I mean? Or they just tell me things. And I just feel, I think they would even say, that they just feel safe around me, which is really, I love that.

Melissa

I love that for you and your people too. All right, Kimberly, do you want to go next?

Kimberly

I think for me, yeah, people would notice probably the decision-making versus like, you know, not asking their opinion or not taking their opinion. So this may be a good or bad thing they might have noticed from their perspective, because I'm not necessarily doing everything they wanted me to do, but I'm doing what I think is best for me. And I think on that same notion, I was a control enthusiast. Still am, I should say, I'm not in the past. And that is something Melissa and I worked on. And I think I have been working every day and getting better all the time at not having a little folder of ideas for someone else that would help their life. You know, if only it would just be helpful, but I'm trying to really not even collect that little Pinterest board in my mind of ideas for them and just keep one for myself. So I think they would notice, they have noticed a little less of that.

Melissa

Love it. How about you, sweet Jenn?

Jenn

I think some of some of the kids' teachers have noticed that we're just a lot more hands off than we were. So you kind of gave me permission to not retake US history again and not retake biology. And so I think just the way we engage with like school obligations and helping with homework and just having a lot more peace and space around that and not being so involved. And I think that's a shift that's been noticed.

I think just being a little more authentic would be a shift that the people around me have noticed.

Melissa

OK, if anyone is listening and they're trying to decide if they should consider group, what would you guys say to them? Is there any, like, pitch that you want to make to them?

Jenn

Yeah, group and one-on-one. If you're lucky enough to find Melissa.

Kimberly

I mean, yeah, I was gonna say I would just do it. You get a cheerleading team. You get the support you get to learn from their coaching. You get some–there's some humility in the group to like you. It's very supportive. Melissa makes it very safe so you can come and dump your load of crap and all the things you screwed up that week and the things you're really embarrassed and ashamed about. And everybody's just there like, of course, it's fine. And so it's safe. And yet you have that, like, everybody screws it up sometimes. So it brings you that piece, too.

Melissa

Yeah, the ability to be vulnerable. Like, not many of us have a place and a space where we can actually go and be exactly ourselves. And, you know, that involves some vulnerability. So you do have to like rip the band-aid off, you know, the first time that you get coached. And then after that, you see everybody else has their shit that they're dealing with too. And it's like, oh, okay, like everybody is human here. Okay, we can be human together.

Kimberly

And I think it's different than your friends, because if you're like putting on the story, first of all, most will call you out and be like, all right, stop, restart. This is not what it really was. Like, let's talk about how this, how it really was. So it's not like going with your girlfriends where you might be able to get away with like some little, you know, fudging of your thoughts or something, or not even on purpose. There's sometimes just your brain does, right?

Melissa

Oh yeah. The glossing over and making things a little shinier and prettier than they actually are in real life. Yeah, yeah, there's no need to be shiny and glossy.

And although we all look very put together on this call because everyone knew that they were going to be on video. Yeah, and Jenn normally has like an 80 LB boxer sitting on her lap who comes and is her emotional support animal.

Jenn

He did come over when I was crying.

Melissa

Oh, so sweet. So yeah, and you know, like tears are fine. Hopefully you guys have seen a ton of laughter and inappropriateness, mostly by me, you know? And I think, I don't know, I'm gonna toot my own horn cause this is what I do, but I think me sharing my vulnerability too and not having it be some like hierarchical, like I'm the coach and you know I have it all figured out 'cause that is not true. You know, I'm working through my own stuff with my own coach and my own therapist and and I think me being willing to share that with you all adds another layer of safety, hopefully. Without like giving you guys, I'm not like sharing my nitty-gritty details and that type of thing, but just, you know, same, same. I'm a human too. I think that's another thing that I do well.

Kimberly

I think though one other thing I would say is like if you're like, well, I don't know what I talk about every week. There's a lot of weeks I say here, it's like, what's like, what's up? I'm like, I don't know. And then she'll be like, well, tell me about your week and when I'd be like. Literally start with like a calendar review and then all of a sudden before you knew it, we were knee deep in something. So you can bring something like there are weeks over the last 18 months I came like we got to talk about this. And then there's other weeks I was like, I have no idea. We found there's always something that we could work through.

Melissa

Yeah, and I think what happens is eventually, you know, we've talked about enough things and so much that you do have this kind of safety feeling and you're not sure what you want to bring. And I ask a question and it's like, oh, I'm safe to share all of this. And sometimes when you're not activated, thinking I have a list of things I need to talk about, the coaching goes so much smoother because you're calm, I'm calm, like, and we can really dig into the deeper stuff. At least that's been my experience.

Like whenever I say I don't have anything, my coach like rubs her hands together and is like, oh, this is going to be a good one, you know. So I love it when you guys come with stuff and I love it when you're like, I'm not sure. So yeah, you don't have to be prepared. Like you don't have to do any homework in between. If you want to do things, if you want me to assign you things, I will. But most of the things that we're talking about are things that are happening in your real life already. It's not like you have to go out and manufacture things to work on. It's like, oh, we're just working on real life. So, yeah.

Jenn

One thing I wanted to add to you that I just really admire about you is you're always doing your own coaching and trainings. And, you know, like I know you did something with, like, trauma with Bonnie Badenoch. I know there are other things that you're moving towards and you're you're just you're you're bringing all this incredible wisdom and your own, like, yeah, yeah I just besides being who you are, you're also just adding.

Melissa

Yes. I had my first internal family systems therapy session this week, and we had to take my thinking part out and put it in a chair. Because one of my ways of keeping safe is to be smart. Right? So me needing to do all these trainings, partially it is, yes, so that I can be an amazing coach and, you know, come at different things from different angles, and it's part of my work to like, know that I probably don't need to do too many more trainings in order to get people great results. And you know, it's one of those both and situations.

So yes, but you're absolutely right, Jenn. I will always be doing my own work. That scares some people when I say like, this is a lifelong thing. It's not like something where you work on it for six months and you're like, oh, I got my certificate, I'm done. Like I never have to, you know, I'm no longer a people pleaser or I'm no longer a control enthusiast. I'm no longer a perfectionist. It's like, oh no, like those are all parts of me that I want to integrate and, you know, use to the best of my ability. And like tell them that they can take a seat every once in a while. So thank you for bringing that up.

Thank you guys so much for coming. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your beautiful brains with me and with all the listeners and with each other. My Thursday afternoons are not going to be the same without this little group.

But you guys know where to find me and keep following along. And Colleen and I are going to carry the torch forward into the next group. It's going to be amazing. Thank you guys so much.

Guys, come back next week. I won't have these amazing women here, but I will have something amazing for you all. Have a great week.

Hey - It’s still me. Since you are listening to this podcast, you very likely have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes but you still feel like something's missing! If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to tiptoe into putting yourself first and treating yourself as you would your own best friend, I'm here to support you. As a general life coach for women, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges as you start to get to know and embrace your authentic self.

When we work together, you begin to develop a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. You learn effective communication strategies, boundary-setting techniques, and self-care practices that will help you cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself and others.

While, of course, I can't guarantee specific outcomes, as everyone's journey is brilliantly unique, what I can promise is my unwavering commitment to providing you with the skills, tools, support, and guidance you need to create lasting changes in your life. With humor and a ton of compassion, I'll be available to mentor you as you do the work to become a favorite version of yourself.

You're ready to invest in yourself and embark on this journey, so head over to melissaparsonscoaching.com, go to the work with me page, and book a consultation call. We can chat about all the support I can provide you with as we work together.

I am welcoming one-on-one coaching clients at this time, and, of course, I am also going to be offering the next round of group coaching soon. 

Thanks for tuning in. Go be amazing!