Ep 89: Belief Work in Progress!

Are you still unsure whether or not working with a coach is the right path? It might be time to work on changing your beliefs about what you deserve and what's possible for you.

If you’ve been listening to this podcast for some time, I hope you’ve been able to benefit from what I share without having to work with a coach. However, I want you to feel safe to book a consult with me or to work with me or any coach when you decide you’re ready. That’s why I have come up with 3 beliefs that I think you might need to work on in order to sign up for coaching.

In this episode, I’ll help you understand that you have the power to change your beliefs. You'll see that the process isn't easy, but that it's worth it for the opportunity to live a life of purpose, fulfillment, and joy.

Click HERE to get the full show notes.

Transcript

Hey, this is Melissa Parsons, and you are listening to the Your Favorite You Podcast. I'm a certified life coach with an advanced certification in deep dive coaching. The purpose of this podcast is to help brilliant women like you with beautiful brains create the life you've been dreaming of with intentions. My goal is to help you find your favorite version of you by teaching you how to treat yourself as your own best friend.

If this sounds incredible to you and you want practical tips on changing up how you treat yourself, then you're in the right place. Just so you know, I'm a huge fan of using all of the words available to me in the English language, so please proceed with caution if young ears are around.

Hello everyone - welcome back to Your Favorite You!

It will come as little surprise to most of you who know me or who have been listening to this podcast for some time, but I spend a fair amount of time in my head, thinking of what I can share with you on this podcast to bring you value without you ever having to work with me… I also put a fair amount of time into thinking about what it is you need to hear from me in order to feel safe to book a consult with me, or to feel safe to start working with me, or any other coach or mentor you might choose to follow and then perhaps work with…

I have spent some time with my thoughts these past few days and I have come up with 3 beliefs that I think you might need to work on in order to sign up for coaching and receive benefit from it.

I want to point out that there is always a lot of nuance in everything that I speak about here on the podcast… there are no absolutes… I want to offer possibility for you. What you see in me that you admire or what you hear from my clients that you admire. Coaching is not a one size fits all approach. I think my clients benefit greatly from my prior experience as a pediatrician because I already know that what worked for me might not work for you. What has worked for one of my clients may not work for you. That does not scare me and I would offer that it should not scare you! I was very creative as a pediatrician, and I have been loving the idea of being even MORE creative as a coach!

So, I am going to offer up these three beliefs and I invite you to question me on them. I invite you to offer your own thoughts about these. I would love to participate in a conversation with every person who listens to this podcast! Remember, you can always message me via email at melissa@melissaparsonscoaching.com. 

I encourage you to do it if you love what I am saying and if you find issue with what I am offering. 

I am sure there are many more that my clients and colleagues could come up with but I find these to be the big three…

The first is that you deserve to have the life of your dreams. 

The second is that you have the authority to change anything in your life that is not bringing you the life of your dreams.

The third is that it is possible to question your beliefs. 

Let’s dive into these. 

Let’s start with the first one… because that makes sense, right? Or we could start with the last one if we wanted to really question our beliefs… Why do we have to start with one? LOL 

Let’s not get too crazy… we are going to start with one… You deserve to have the life of your dreams. 

How old were you when you were first taught that you might NOT deserve the life of your dreams? I already shared my first memory of this… the nun telling me that I was too spacy to go to space and be an astronaut and to stay on Earth to help people… 

As I have shared multiple times before, we have been socialized out of our own wanting… we have been socialized out of dreaming about the life we want… we have definitely been socialized out of desiring the life of our dreams… It’s no wonder none of us know what we want, and we are afraid to go after it and get it. 

In order for coaching to be effective, I would ask you to be willing to question this. You have to be willing and then able to stop saying or thinking, why should I deserve this amazing life… 

The much better question is why NOT me? 

The way that I typically get women to see this for themselves - or one of the many ways, I should say… is to ask her when was the last time she squelched her daughter or her niece’s dreams? What would you say to your child right now if they expressed a dream of theirs to you? What would you say if your best friend called this moment and told you something amazing she had been dreaming up for herself? 

Then, notice if you have even taken any time recently to dream up a new scenario for your life - might be a new job, a different house, a vacation, asking for and receiving a raise, starting a new hobby… Most of us past a certain age aren’t even taking the time to dream… Remember, these dreams might be small, like “I want to learn how to not kill my houseplants”… or they could be huge, like “I want to explore a new career path.”

Then, recall how you spoke to yourself about your dreams… or how you spoke about yourself to someone else in regard to your dreams… if the words are not either the same or very similar to the ones you thought up to encourage your child or your niece or nephew or your best friend, let’s get really curious about why they are different? 

It’s likely some version of ‘be realistic’ or ‘who am I to want that, or to even think about wanting that?’ or ‘that seems selfish… I already have so much’ 

Women are conditioned to have an aversion to expressing their needs, expressing their dreams. We are socialized to believe that being caretakers of others, nurturers of others is the be all and end all of our existence. We are conditioned to think that we have no right to our needs and dreams and that they are unimportant. It makes sense because when we do start to identify and go after our wants, needs, and desires, we become much harder to control. I am not suggesting that we completely stop nurturing and caring for our loved ones… I am simply suggesting that we put ourselves on the list of people to nurture and care for! 

Now that we have established that it is safe for us to have wants, needs and dreams, and that we do indeed deserve to have just that, let’s move on to the 2nd belief you need in order for coaching to benefit you!

You have the authority to change anything in your life that is not bringing you the life of your dreams.

You might already be able to tell that I am pretty passionate about this topic. We, as women have immense power and authority to shape their lives in ways that align with our deepest aspirations and values. As I just pointed out, all too often, societal expectations, cultural norms, and external pressures can constrain women's choices and limit our ability to pursue the lives we truly want. It is crucial for every woman to recognize that she has the right and the capacity to break free of those constraints.

I, for one, am certainly not suggesting that this is an easy feat, but the vast majority of us have the capacity to do it… We have so much capacity that is simply untapped because we may not be willing or able to change or even challenge the status quo. 

At the core, having the authority to change anything in your life that does not lead to your dream life means having the courage and conviction to make bold decisions. 

It might mean daring to refuse to accept the status quo or conform to limiting narratives about what a woman's life "should" look like. 

Instead, it likely requires each woman to get deeply in touch with her authentic desires, values, and vision for the future - and then to consider taking concrete steps to bring that vision to life, no matter the obstacles.

As I stated this process is not often easy. 

Daring to do this might require you to initiate difficult conversations, to be willing to  renegotiate relationships and responsibilities, and having the ovaries to step out of one's comfort zone.

A possible payoff is the opportunity to live a life of purpose, fulfillment, and joy - a life that reflects your true self rather than the expectations of others. A life where you are living closer to your favorite version of you. When we as women claim this authority, we not only transform our own lives, but we have the ability to inspire and empower other women to do the same, creating a ripple effect of female empowerment and social change.

I have seen this play out in my life and in so many of my client’s lives… None of us quite believed this was possible for us until we started taking small steps at first…and then allowed ourselves to get bolder and braver with each step of the way! 

And now, finally, the third thing I offer you to be willing to do is to question your beliefs.

How much of what you currently believe is something that you have consciously decided over and over again to believe?

For most of us, many of the beliefs we have have been passed on to us by others. 

How many times have you recently challenged yourself on your beliefs - asking yourself, I wonder if this is still true for me? 

Most of us love the certainty of thinking - Oh, that is just my personality! Or Oh, I have always believed this! I have always thought this! I am the way I am - take me or leave me! I used to love that one! 

Turns out I am not the way I used to be in many cases. Some things have remained for now, and many things have changed over time. 

I want to give you the power to ask yourself over and over… is this what my favorite version of me believes? Is this how she acts? Is this how she dresses? Is this how she feeds her body? How does my favorite me like to move my body? Hopefully you get the idea. 

I think we often worry that questioning ourselves will lead us to more uncertainty. I suppose it could be the case for a few of you, but in my experience, questioning your beliefs can lead you to re-decide what is important to you. Much of what you believe will stay the same, and some of it will change over time. 

Challenging our beliefs can be uncomfortable, and I want to offer that NOT challenging our beliefs is also uncomfortable!  Being willing to challenge your beliefs over and over again can lead to personal growth and healthy transformation. By being open to revising our beliefs, we can become more adaptable humans.

The beauty of doing all of this work with a coach is that I can provide a compass for you. I will be willing to point it out to you if you fall back into old patterns of belief… because you very likely will. It is only natural for our brains to want to take the path of least resistance. If you have been thinking one way for 30+ years and then you challenge yourself to think another way, it is very likely that you will fall into the old belief patterns, and if you are working with someone like me, I can lovingly point that out to you and we can question which direction you want to keep heading! 

The other thing that might bring comfort to you is that you can take these things one thing at a time. You don’t have to do it all at once. And, once I teach you these skills you can use them for the rest of your life, if you choose to do so! 

So, these are the 3 beliefs you might need to work in order to sign up from coaching and receive benefit from it. What are your thoughts? I would love to hear from you!

If this podcast helped you, I would love for you to share this episode with a friend or twenty seven! 

Have a great week! See you back here next Tuesday!

Hey. It's still me. If you're listening to this podcast you might have followed all the rules and ticked off all the boxes, but you still feel like something is missing. 

If you're ready to learn the skills and gain the tools you need to put yourself first –without guilt or apology–and treat yourself as your own best friend, I’m here to support you. 

As a certified life coach, I provide a safe space, compassionate guidance, and practical tools to help you navigate life's challenges and embrace your authentic self. 

In our coaching sessions, weather one-on-one or in a group setting, we’ll work together to develop a deeper understanding of your thoughts, emotions and behaviors. You’ll learn effective communication strategies, boundary setting techniques, and self-care practices that will help you cultivate a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself and others.

While, of course, I can’t guarantee specific outcomes as everyone's journey is unique, what I can promise is my unwavering commitment to providing you with the skills, tools, support and guidance you need to create lasting changes in your life. 

With more than a sprinkle of humor, and a lot of compassion, I’ll be available to mentor you as you do the work to become a favorite version of yourself.

If you're ready to invest in yourself and embark on this journey, head over to melissaparsonscoaching.com. Go to the Work with Me page and book a consultation call. We can chat about your challenges and how I can support you.

I am welcoming one-on-one coaching clients at this time, and I am also going to be offering the next round of group coaching starting in late August. 

Thanks for tuning in, and remember: You’re fucking amazing just as you are.